I Thought Toys Were Just for Women — Then I Tried One

 

The Assumption I Never Questioned

 

For a long time, I lumped “toys” into a category that didn’t include me.

They were something women used. Or something couples joked about. Or something flashy, loud, and vaguely embarrassing. Not exactly aligned with how I saw myself—or how most men I knew talked about intimacy.

So I never questioned it. I just assumed it wasn’t for me.

 

Where That Belief Came From

 

Looking back, it wasn’t logic. It was conditioning.

Men are taught that pleasure should be simple and automatic. That if you need help, you’re doing something wrong. That curiosity equals inadequacy. No one ever says this outright—but it’s everywhere.

So when the idea crossed my mind, it was easy to dismiss:

I don’t need that.

That’s not my thing.

That’s not for guys like me.

 

The Moment I Reconsidered

 

What changed wasn’t boredom or desperation. It was curiosity—paired with honesty.

I noticed how often intimacy had become rushed. How rarely I slowed down. How much pressure I put on outcomes instead of experience. And I realized something uncomfortable: I was repeating the same patterns and expecting different results.

Trying something new wasn’t about fixing a problem.

It was about exploring awareness.

 

What Surprised Me Most

 

The surprise wasn’t intensity.

It was control.

Using something designed for men didn’t replace sensation—it refined it. It shifted my focus from finishing to feeling. From speed to pacing. From performance to presence.

There was no awkward moment. No sudden identity crisis. Just a quiet realization that I’d limited myself based on an assumption I’d never tested.

 

Why Men Don’t Talk About This

 

Because it challenges the script.

Male pleasure is often treated as obvious, almost mechanical. But real confidence comes from understanding—not ignoring—your responses. Tools don’t make you less capable. They can make you more aware.

And awareness is where confidence actually grows.

 

The Bigger Takeaway

 

I didn’t change who I was.

I expanded how I experienced things.

Letting go of the idea that certain tools are “not for men” opened the door to something simpler and more grounded: choice.

Choice to slow down.

Choice to explore.

Choice to define your own experience—without comparison.

 

Final Thought

 

Sometimes the biggest shift isn’t what you try.

It’s what you stop assuming.

And sometimes, questioning one quiet belief can change how you show up—far beyond the moment itself.